Forget Scrunchies—Comedian Chase Bernstein on the ACTUAL best hair accessory of the 90s

Chase Bernstein is one of the funniest people we know. An LA-based comic, performer, writer and host of Composed Podcast, Chase makes us LOL with her dry, relatable and ruthless assessments of modern life. Full disclosure: she’s also Jenna’s childhood best friend, and the duo’s endless Pen15-era memories include everything from sharing their first joint to binge watching Real World (Hawaii, forever) to wearing matching pastel overalls with their seven other “best friends” (we don’t know). In her Haystack Story, Chase pays loving tribute to the most covetable hair accessory of the late ‘90s: the Fred Segal fish clip.

Name: Chase Bernstein
Occupation: Comedian / Writer / Host of Composed Podcast
Handle: @chasebernstein
Location: Los Angeles

What’s the star of your Haystack Story?
A classic blue fish clip my mom bought me from Fred Segal.

Do you still have it?
You know it.

Can you describe it?
She has twelve teeth that, in her prime, could contain even the most wild of manes. Her grip on my signature half ponytail knew no bounds. I would often accompany my mom to Fred Segal, an iconic Los Angeles boutique, and gaze longingly at the clear jar of fish clips perched on a display when you first entered the store. The jar was filled with every color fish clip imaginable. I still see it in my dreams. One fateful day, my mom saw me coveting the clips, told me I could pick one out, and the rest is fishtory.

Why is it so perfect?
She’s very portable and, back in the day, possessed the strength to clasp herself onto everything from my navy blue Jansport to my purple Dickies overalls. Since I have very thick hair, my arms get tired from staying up while my scrunchie goes in for a fourth trip around my ponytail, but with my fish clip it’s just one, gorgeous movement.

How does it make you feel?
Safe. I feel most like myself when my hair is in a half ponytail. I keep clips, scrunchies and plain hair ties in every purse and every nook of my car, as it’s my worst nightmare to be stuck with my hair down, and I am in no way emotionally equipped to whip up a bun using only a pencil.

If this item could talk what would it say?
You’re doing amazing sweetie.

When did you get it?
I want to say 8th grade but do NOT quote me.

Chase in middle school, probably plotting her student council campaign.

Who did you have a crush on back then?
Matt Finegood. He was cute, silly, and student council president. So naturally I ran for student council, and won, on the platform of, “Guys, I really need this.”

What did your Friday nights look like?
They were mostly spent at Jenna’s house, eating pasta, watching mmmmmovies, and praying to get my braces off.

If someone gave you $20 to spend, what would you have bought?
Honestly a couple more fish clips. Maybe a green? Really hard to say.

What show did you rush home to watch?
Dawson’s Creek, to immediately get lost in the infinity pool that was Pacey’s eyes.

What was your favorite snack?
The bread from California Pizza Kitchen. Iconic.

Has that period in your life shaped your sense of humor and comedy at all? If so, how?
Definitely. I feel like everything was always taking these wild turns; As I mentioned, I had joined student council as a way to get closer to Matt Finegood and ultimately captivate him with my vibe. But tragically, during our first meeting, I got pink eye and had to leave to go to the doctor. Like, why would that ever happen? It seemed devastating at the time but hilarious now.

What is one way in which you’re the same as you were back then, and one way in which you’re different?
I still wear my hair in half ponytails constantly however I don’t consume entire loaves of bread from California Pizza Kitchen in one sitting, oh wait, nevermind. Not one thing has changed.